This Is Your Life! Keitaro
by q1120790
Summary: Reposted as a Oneshot. Ever wondered what would happen if a stranger found Hinata Sou...Guess what? YOU are that stranger!


**DISCLAIMER: I declare that Love Hina belongs to Ken Akamatsu, and I am not making any profit from this and blah, blah, woof woof…We all know the drill (I hope so, anyway). **

**Poor Keitaro- He gets beaten up an awful lot...And this story is no different! What is it? A very silly oneshot- it used to be more, but it seems, more appropriate like this...Anyway enjoy!**

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WELCOME TO CHAOS

Hinata Sou apartments: Beautiful and awesome, surrounded by forestry, it seems carved out of the hill it stands upon. A mountain of steps ascends upwards from the street, and after an eternity of climbing the entrance comes into view, inviting and warm.

All time is at a standstill; you can barely believe your luck in discovering such a jewel. For that it truly is, shining as the sun sets slowly behind it, and a need to pause in silent awe overcomes you. Silence is everywhere, except…that noise…

You stop, and tilt your head to better hear the whistling sound which even now, gets louder. Something catches your eye and gasping, you stand torn between action and indecision.

Somewhere in your brain rationalises the fear; there is nothing you can do but watch the form freefalling from the sky.

At an incredible speed the figure falls; your neck cranes to follow the direction he would land. Eyes widening you realise he will collide with the building standing before you. A dread fills your stomach, and you turn away, curiosity overcome. You don't want to see this, and you block your ears against the wet sound of the body hitting the pavement.

After several seconds, one eye pops open. The silence that was so peaceful a minute ago is annoying, and stretches against your nerves. _What the hell is going on?_ Daring to hope that his fall was broken by something other than his head, you turn back to the sky above Hinata Sou. Empty…

Suddenly, a splash shocks you out of the search. Grabbing the sign like a lifeline you reason. _Water; please let him have hit the water! _By now you are certain the figure was…is male.

"HENTAI" _Whose voice_… "Keitaro you PERVERT! What are you doing in the girls hot springs?"

Your stomach drops and you don't like the way this is going. The person belonging to that voice sounds angry. You hear an undertone of violence threading its way through her words. You back away from that more than anything else.

For a second (just one second) you are tempted to vault the wall and save the poor bastard that survived a landing which should have turned him into a liquid.

He speaks, and a picture is conjured. "G-g-gomen nasi, Naru. I, I …I was just…" He is shrinking back in fear now, stuttering the excuse with little success.

"Don't lie. You were lurking here to steal the innocence of one of these girls, weren't you?" A strangled laugh chokes you. _Is this girl a nut? Did she not see the Superman stunt he just pulled? _Gripping your mobile phone, your knuckles turn white as you re-think over whether an ambulance would be the right person to call. Hesitating you tap in the number, and lift it to your ear, as another female voice joins the crazy girl's from before.

"Urashima! You are trespassing in a strictly female area."

"_Hello, you have reached the Kyoto Police Department. To report a disturbance press one…" _Come on, come on. _"You have pressed one,"_ it repeats in that agonisingly slow monotone. _"Please state the nature of your emergency…"_

There is a scramble from within the fence. The man, Keitaro, is running from one of the females, and you can see the tip of a long shiny sharp object bobbing across the top of the fence-line. _Holy crap_.

You are officially freaked "Look" you scream into the phone "just put me on with a damn human being."

"_You have just selected: Look just put me on with a damn human being. Please hold and one of our operators will be with you shortly" _You have to restrain yourself from throwing the phone to the ground. It's a close call, but the voice in your ear reassures you help is coming. It better be soon…

"Hello" a bored voice answers. "What is the nature of the emergency?"

"Stand like a man and face me, Urashima." _Shit, shit, shit…_ You are having a head fit, and jolt into action.

"T-theresmanandhefellfromtheskyandthereareinsanewomenwithswordschasinghim" Gasping for breath, you clutch your chest, and wait.

"What the…Okay, calm down. Where are you?" With the phone attached to your ear, you whirl around, but no street signs are evident. _Damn_. What name are the apartments? What name? "Hinata Sou apartments. Please hurry!" You hope the urgency in your voice travels down the phone line.

"Oh, I see." The voice gets tiny as the policeman yells to somebody in the background. "It's okay Merv. Another call from about that damn Hinata Sou place. (Pause) Yeah I know, pisses me off too…"

The voice gets loud again, as if remembering that you are still on the line. "Don't worry, kid." The anti-climactic reply leaves you staring at the mobile phone like it had just grown a turtle shell. "W-w-what? Why? Huh?" Confusion reduces your grasp of spoken words to a bare minimum.

That calm voice speaks again, reassuring. "It's okay. It happens all the time there. Nothing to take seriously." Your head fit has intensified, and the scuffle inside the fence gets louder.

"Okay bye. _Click._" And just like that, you are left with a disconnected phone in your hand, and questions coming out your ears.

"Naru punch."

"SHINMEI SCHOOL SECRET ARTS! ROCK SPLITTING SWORD!"

"Aaaaauuuu, sempai."

With jerky movements, you turn to stare blankly back at the fence. A lone figure sails into the stratosphere with incredible speed. In several seconds, the figure disappears from the sky entirely.

Your brain digests this for several minutes. Then, without as much as a backward glance you race for the steps. You have no interest in seeing whether gravity is going to run its course.

_Screw this. _The majesty of the place forgotten, you take the steps two at a time. Every man for himself. You are entirely devoid of thoughts, save two. _I think I saw a nice hotel on the way here…Crap, I hope those insane women didn't see me…_

You run faster.

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**Watcha think?** **Review, pwweease!**


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